drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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