I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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