She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize