I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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