Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize