There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize