Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize