You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize