loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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