If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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