I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize