finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
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