my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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