Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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