Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
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Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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