found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize