I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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