You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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