At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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