no, he came in my armpit
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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