you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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