She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize