So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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