Don't make out with my wife yet
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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