I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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