I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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