he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dick very happy bro
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize