using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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