Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts

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  (937): there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts http://tfl.nu/ju9y
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  (562): View more from California

  even your uterus rejects him.

  (1-562): View more from California

  apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

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  (562): even your uterus rejects him. (1-562): apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body. http://tfl.nu/g0cm
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.

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  (201): I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork. http://tfl.nu/8epk
  Replies (16) Good night (1049) Bad night (5095)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

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  (336): I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality http://tfl.nu/g1bs
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

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  (856): She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk" http://tfl.nu/d5n3
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?

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  (902): is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with? http://tfl.nu/yzo8
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers

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  (508): but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers http://tfl.nu/9dwx
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.

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  (815): So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday. http://tfl.nu/ln4p
  Replies (3) Good night (1805) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.

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  (601): She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs. http://tfl.nu/rhuf
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list

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  (573): welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list http://tfl.nu/7gq6
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...

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  (573): I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad... http://tfl.nu/bjgv
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"

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  (802): when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us" http://tfl.nu/ho4p
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  (936): View more from Texas

  I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.

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  (936): I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining. http://tfl.nu/kdvr
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  (845): View more from New York

  I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...

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  (845): I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex... http://tfl.nu/82t9
  Replies (3) Good night (1157) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis

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  (812): But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis http://tfl.nu/afbo
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