i think my mom watched the whole time
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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