he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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