I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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