We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
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I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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