Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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