Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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