He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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