You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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