I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize