WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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