I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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