Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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