i just had sex bonerless
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Vodka?
Forever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize