i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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