It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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