I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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