I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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