Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize