remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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