Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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