Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've blown a few things in my day
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MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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